just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
