She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
