It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i came on her dog
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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