Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.