If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND