We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.