Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
