Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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