I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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