Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
