I want you more than these girls want KFC
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
