I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Houston, we have a squirter
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
