Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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