I wanna bring you to show and tell
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
