you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
