Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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