Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
