i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
