i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
