i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sext me about skeletons
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
