That's when you crack a 10am beer
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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