Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
