matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
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