No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
