There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
