His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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