Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
