Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
