She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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