How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up under a house in Key West
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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