I want to stick my p in your. b.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
