Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
