Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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