see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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