Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
