I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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