you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This is the high leading the old right now
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
