gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
