i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
