I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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