Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I want her autograph on my taint
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
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