I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
