We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
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he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
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I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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