so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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