I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
