Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
