She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
