Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
