member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
