i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
