I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
