she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
