Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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