Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pee around me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize