Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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