these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
