The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
