I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
