this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
