my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
