I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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